today is my father's birfday. he is the only parent i have left as, my mother died when i was 10. i just called him and i'm so emotional. i really miss him and my 2 sisters [my father and my sister are in kentucky and my other sister is in nashville]. it's extremely difficult to be in las vegas during times like this and also during holidays. i don't think people realize how trying it is for me.
it makes me sad when people bad mouth their family or take their family for granted. especially if they live in the same town as their parents. i wish i had that luxury! sometimes you just need to kind of comfort only your blood can bring. even if you're family is not that close [mine isn't- well i'm the outcast, so...], sometimes its just nice to have someone who will always be there no matter what. i don't really have that here in vegas. it really bothers me.
my dad and i don't get along great. i think out of me and my 2 sisters- my father and i have got along the least. of course- this has improved by leaps and bounds over the years. absence really does make the heart grow fonder. but i was a shitty daughter and really just a horrible human being in my formative years. i took a lot of things for granted and i was basically a disrespectful, self destructive asshole. i didn't give a fuck about anyone or anything. i don't even know that person now. i have learned so much over the years. but my dad has always been there for me, no matter what and it means so much to me now. it's quite humbling. i only hope i can be half the person my father is and be as devoted to giving and nourishing my family as he was. he definitely isn't the most emotional person and he doesn't have much to say but he always showed me he loved me. he did nothing less then give his last penny to feed and cloth me. there is nothing more i can ask for as a father.
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i think in a way we are all outcasts in our family. i think that's what makes us beautiful. i love you so much sister and i'm so proud of you. i know i say that all the time but it's so encouraging to look up to the woman you've become. dad is proud too--he may not say it but i know he's proud of all of us. he gave us everything so we could have lives of our own someday and we do. i'm so proud of our family and i love you all so much. i miss you! call me soon?
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