in-betweens.

i need a change in a huge way. i'm so ready to leave vegas. i will never fall in love here. i know that. the only thing good here is my job. that's the only things that keeps me here. its fucking sad. i need to make a choice soon: work or love. i refuse to spend the rest of life alone. i want something deep and meaningful. something that can make me feel again. it's just so empty here. it's so hard to be positive when i am so numb to it all. i'm tired of burying my emotions. this town makes you do it. makes you unemotional and insensitive. makes you not care. makes you hard. i've never been so apathetic. that's not who i am or who i'll ever be. i don't want to be that person. i used to cherish my emotions. they used to define who i am. now i struggle to locate them. granted, i have increased my logic tenfold. but now it's time to find a balance. will i find it here? i somehow doubt it. i haven't so far. i feel like this place is a tourniquet and without the wound, there is nothing to fix.