i just watched episode 7 of season 3 of dexter and now i am crying my eyes out. the end made me lose it. it's so beautiful. i'm sure that sounds strange but you have to understand the way i see things to know why. i find beauty in the strangest places and i have always loved that about myself. but what i am really crying about is what 2 people said to me once. 2 people who were once very close to me. now neither of them are really and one i havent spoke to in almost 3 years and probably never will again. the other i still talk with now and then and i still have a lot of love for her. we will always be friends.
one said that she thought my emotional ways, how i am so touched by things and express them with tears, was beautiful. and i think that to this day has made me never afraid to be emotional. some say it is a downfall but i will always find it as a virtue.
the other person said that i was the only person who possessed true emotion- real emotion. and that makes my heart bleed. its easy to see how i feel in love with him.
all i know is how i feel and i feel so much that the passion of the tragedy and struggle i have endured eats away at my heart. and it bleeds into every thing i say and every eye i look into. i don't doubt that it will always be that way. i will never find being overly emotional as a setback. i will only see it as a strength because so many people cannot feel and if they do- they cannot express it like i can. and those who talk shit are just pussies running from how they feel. it is much more commendable to be able to be vulnerable and humble. it makes you 10 times stronger than those who feel nothing.
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