it's hard for me to write when i am content

thus the lack of blogging as of late. i feel like i'm blossoming. it's an enlightening experience. kind of like experimenting with drugs for the first time. discovering things about yourself to unlock and maybe just to revamp. it's just so fulfilling! i feel so pretty and desired, more so than i have for years now. the best part is- i deserve it. it feels really fucking good to say that. for almost 3 years now- i haven't felt i deserved happiness. i had to heal. i had to re- think my whole perception of myself, my whole stance. it was extremely difficult. i don't think i have ever been tested quite like that before. the funny thing is- i did it to myself. i had to. i had to harden the fuck up and get my skin thicker. i knew i had to do it to avenge my broken heart and to survive in this town. it's so different from where i am from. i don't think people understand how hard. kentucky is a simpler way of life, a slower way. it grounded me. i think a lot of people lack that here in vegas. i'm very greatful for that. but all in all, i feel very humbled and capeable. i found someone special that i have a magical chemistry with. it is, in every way compelling and justifying. it's odd how guarded i was and how damaged i was with my heart. i guess it seemed it would never mend. but the best part is i healed it myself. and now i know i can take on anything hard and in return will be bestowed with more lavish gifts and better, more enriching people. the bigger the fall the greater rewards to reap. this has been years in the making and i am savoring every moment!